


When the Wheels Fell Off the Wagon

by khughes830



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-25
Updated: 2005-07-25
Packaged: 2019-05-30 09:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15094154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khughes830/pseuds/khughes830
Summary: Josh and Donna after the first kiss.





	When the Wheels Fell Off the Wagon

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

   


 

**When the Wheels Fell Off the Wagon**

**by: Kathleen**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Ensemble  
**Pairing(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, not mine, not mine. Feel free to sue if you like, but it would be a waste of your time since you all have more pocket change than I have in my checking account!  
**Summary:** Josh and Donna after the first kiss.  
**Author's Note:** Follow-up/sequel to [Humorous High-Wire Act](http://astele.co.uk/NationalLibrary/Chapter/Details/humorous-high-wire-act.htm) I hate trying to write angsty stuff – but it's kind of hard to gloss over the kidnapping, huh!?! But, depending on how much more I write, I will probably just gloss over the whole Amy thing! Make it like it should have been!! 

How I managed to find a spot anywhere near my front door, I will never know. I think God or my guardian angel or my fairy godmother or someone was looking out for me tonight, cause there it was, like it was waiting for me – prime parking so that I didn't have to walk several blocks while trying to keep my hands off of Donnatella Moss. 

Just in case you missed it, yeah, I am soooo the man – yeah, I kissed Donna tonight. Took her breath away and everything (that's not me being cocky – she said it a couple of times on the ride over here.) I finally got a clue with the all huge hints she had been leaving me all night, ie: 

"... you are the only one I find attractive…" 

"... handsome and powerful…" 

"... half of it you don't even get…" 

See what I mean – hints, huge hints, hints not even I, the slow learner, could miss. 

So, here we are. Donna was waiting for me at the top of the steps. She's leaned up against the door, smiling at me. I swear, if I didn't think Mrs. Lashavio would wake up, I'd take her right against the door. 

I somehow manage to get the door unlocked and us inside the apartment while Donna is nibbling on my earlobe. 

Once I get the door shut, I turn her around and have her pressed up between me and the door. After several long minutes, I curse the powers that be for my need for oxygen and I break the kiss. 

She looked frustrated. "There you go with the breaking of the kissing again." 

"Donna…" 

"See, as far as I can tell, we are no longer in front of the White House nor or we in public, unless there are members of your fan club hiding in your closets, hoping to molest you themselves." This last part she says yelling – "Ladies, hate to disappoint you, but he's all mine. Get out!!" 

I can't help but laugh. 

Now, I'm distracted by her pulling me by my tie through my apartment, through the kitchen and into the bedroom. I stop her at the threshold and cup her face in my hands. 

"Donna, I need to say this before we take one more step and I am no longer able to think straight." 

She's got a very concerned look on her face, like she thinks I'm changing my mind or something – what is she, crazy!?! 

"Please don't look at me like that – I'm not changing my mind or anything…" 

"What are you psychic?!?" 

"Yeah, that's me, Lyman the Magnificent, seer of all things future." 

"That's quite a nickname to live up to, there Joshua." 

"Will you shut up and let me finish, please?" One…two…three…four… ok, she's quiet now – I can finish my thought. 

"I just wanted to say that… well… this is going to mean more to me than just tonight… I mean… that I want more than just tonight with you… that…" 

She's kissing me now, very passionately. She breaks the kiss much too soon for my liking, but I am more than rewarded. 

"Josh, I want more than tonight as well… I want every night. You ok with that?!?" 

"I am soooo ok with that." 

"Josh, I've waited 5 years… I mean, 5 YEARS… for you to finally come around and now… well, it just… it means a lot to me…" 

"Me too, Donnatella, me too. I am so… well, just… so crazy about you… but it's more than that… I guess you could call it… some would say that I am in… damn, I'm a bumbling idiot, aren't I?!?" 

She just giggled and pulled me the rest of the way into the bedroom. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. 

She whispered in my ear "Josh, don't worry, I love you too." 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the first time the wheels came off the wagon. At that moment, I knew I would carpet bomb Jerusalem and kill a man with my bare hands for this woman. But before I had a chance to respond, she more than upped the ante. 

"So, Lyman the Magnificent, seer of all future things, I have a question." 

How she manages to talk and do that thing with her tongue at the same time, I have no idea. Even more impressive is that I manage to respond. 

"Yes, my dear, what future would you like told?" 

"Well, I was wondering if you could tell me exactly how many times you plan to make me scream your name tonight." 

Oh dear god, she's trying to kill me where I stand isn't she! "Oh, my dear, that would be more times than you are able to count!" 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

It's been three weeks since that night, that glorious night in my apartment with the one and only Donnatella Moss. The memory of that night has been the only thing that's kept me smiling during this really crappy time. Have you heard – the Vice-President had to resign. 

5 years ago, I was part of the Hoynes machine. Not the most proud time of my life, but hey, that was before I met Jed Bartlet or Donna Moss, so needless to say, I was a little lost. I always tried to ignore his, well, let's just call them indiscretions for now. I did my best to ignore the things I saw – women that were most definitely not Mrs. Hoynes leaving his room in whichever random hotel we were in that week at 5 in the morning. I did my best to ignore the locked office door in the middle of the day. I did my best to ignore all the rumors – like the one about him and some tall, leggy brunette about 8 years ago. I didn't go on that trip, but I heard all the gossip about it. 

I had always pegged John Hoynes as a crafty man, able to do what was necessary to keep his head in the game and above water. So, when CJ and Joe Quincy showed up at my office that afternoon, I was floored. How could a man that smart be so damn stupid? I'll never understand. 

That night was hard for me. I may have left the man, but I always respected him and his political mind. He really did try hard, try to do what was best and what was right. Donna really did try to talk me out of drinking at all, but she saw that that was a lost cause, but instead of letting me go to a bar, we went and bought out the liquor store down the street from my townhouse. It was about 1:30 AM when the wheels came off the wagon for a second time in the last three weeks – all she wanted was to make me laugh, but I really didn't feel like it. She pulled out all the stops and finally had me rolling with her rendition of '76 Trombones'. Apparently she had played Marion the Librarian her senior year in high school. That finally got me to laugh. 

I realized, watching her conduct the imaginary band and parade through my apartment (in just my old Mets t-shirt and her underwear, mind you) that being in love with Donna Moss and being loved by Donna Moss was more than just fantastic sex (which it is, don't get me wrong!) but it's also seeing her like this, her trying to cheer me up in the face of a really crappy day. It was me realizing that all she cared about was making me happy and I knew that all I wanted to do, forever, was to make her happy! 

It's not like we are keeping us a secret. In fact, we had gone so far as to schedule a meeting with CJ and Leo about us when this whole Hoynes thing happened. We decided that we would just keep it between us a bit longer (well, not really between us – Donna answered my phone way to early one morning when Mom called and I have trouble keeping any kind of personal secrets from Sam) until we get the new Vice-President confirmed, and then we will let everyone know. 

Little did I know it was going to come to this! 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

It was supposed to be a quiet weekend across the board. Zoey was graduating and the First Family were planning a weekend in Manchester with Zoey before she left for France. The President gave everyone an order to only spend 4 hours total at work this weekend. Donna and I had planned to work late on Friday and come in early on Saturday to get done by noon and have the rest of the weekend to us locked inside my apartment. 

It was this whole working late on Friday thing that got me roped into taking an adventure with Charlie. 

Donna was busy reschedule weekend meetings for me, so I took off with Charlie. 

So, here I sit, in front of some random DC club with wet pants. I'm listening the Charlie prattle on and on about Zoey while we both watch Wes do a check on his agents in the club. Before I knew it, all hell had broken loose as we saw Wes take off into the club. It was when we heard the radio of one of the agents cackle "I have an agent down and Bookbag is missing. Go to black, I repeat, we're at black" that things were going to get a lot worse than just a Vice-Presidential sex scandal. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

It was hours before I had a chance to breathe. After Charlie flipped out on Jean-Paul, Wes got us escorted back to the White House. Everyone was running around, scrambling, trying to get whatever it was we were supposed to do in this situation done. Will informs me that the President is just finding out the news from Leo and then he starts in on how we don't have a Vice-President. Its hours before I understand exactly what he was getting at. 

Donna was frantic, trying to keep things organized for me until I got back. I didn't even have a chance to talk to her. She handed me a huge stack of messages and faxes while talking on the phone. I didn't even have time to admire the way she stayed calm and cool on the phone while talking to everyone that called. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

The sun was starting to come up when I needed to get out of my office. I looked at my watch – 4:45, which means it's about 10 after 5. I head out to the Rose Garden to get some air. That's when I see her. 

Donna has her back to me and she is shaking. As I get closer, I notice that she crying and sobbing quietly. It breaks my heart when Donna cries, it always as, but I'm not sure what I should do. What I want to do is pick her up off that bench and hold her in my arms to protect from the world, but I can't do that, not here, not yet. All I can do is sit next to her and put one arm around her shoulder. 

She got her hands covering her face. 

"Donna." I say, noticing it's barely over a whisper. 

"Donna, please, look at me." 

She looks up. Her eyes are bloodshot and bright red from the lack of sleep and all the crying. I wonder how many times my heart can break in a minute. 

"Josh…" 

"Donna, I'm sorry, I should have checked on you earlier… are you alright?" 

She starts crying again and I forget where we are and who we are. I pull her into me and wrapp both arms as tightly as I could around her without cutting off her air supply. She lays her head on my shoulder and just cries. After minutes (hell, it could have been hours) she stops crying and looks up at me. She looks so scared that I do the only thing I can think of to reassure her that everything would be fine. 

I kiss her. 

I forget that we are sitting the Rose Garden, here at the White House. I forget that no one knows about us and that this place is currently crawling with press and politicians. Just as I start to deepen the kiss, I feel her cry and all of a sudden, I'm on the ground and she's standing over me, hand over her mouth, eyes full of tears again. 

"JOSH! What the hell were you thinking?" 

I stood up and put my hands on her shoulders. She tried to pull away, but I held on. 

"Donna, I'm sorry… I was just… I wanted to make you feel better… I'm sorry…" 

She started crying again and I tried to pull her into me again, but she put her hand on my chest and stopped me. 

"Josh, no!" 

"Donna…" 

"Amy asked… she asked if I was in love with you… I almost told her… could you imagine, if I had and then all this… I lied but I'm pretty sure it was badly… I was about to get the third degree when her pager went off the phones started to ring… I was about to confess to Amy of all people!" 

"Donna, it's fine, you didn't, its fine." 

Then my heart breaks again when I hear "I don't think I can do this anymore." 

"Donna, please…" 

"No, Josh. I hate lying to our friends, who only want us to be happy. I hate that Sam and your mom can't tell a soul. I hate having to hide the fact that I love you. I hate lying, I've never been good at it. It was one thing to keep this a secret for few weeks, but now… what if… well, what if we can't ever tell them… what if…" 

"Donna…" 

"No, Josh, I can't do this anymore. It's too hard! I just… I can't… I want… I'm sorry." 

"Donna, I promise, we will tell them, we will be able to be honest and out in the open, but not yet, not now. We can't. There's just too much…" 

"That's the problem, Josh. It's always going to be too much, there's always going to be something. Look at where we work, what we do, the people we interact with. I don't think I can live my life like this anymore! I'm sorry!!" 

And with that, she is gone, running away from me to who knows where. 

So, I'm left standing here, alone in the Rose Garden, feeling alone in the world. The woman I love said its too hard being with me like this. I feel like a part of me just died. I shove my hands in my pocket and try to breathe, but that's when I feel it. I forgot I had it in my pocket. I pull out the small ring box and look at the ring I had planned on giving Donna this weekend. I didn't know when, or if, I would ever be able to give her this ring. That's when the wheels came off the wagon for a third time in a month. I couldn't take it anymore. I shoved the ring back in my pocket and sat down on the bench, feeling my heart break. And, then, I started to cry. 


End file.
